Sunday, July 10, 2011
It is difficult to remember a time
When all the seasons were
The winds were relaxed
There was little talk of war
Aside from that which was already
Fading into history
All hushed, the children did not cry
And the whole world stood still
For just one moment.
Strangers no longer stop in the street
Spoken words are a wasteful deterrent
From energy that may be diverted
Into the machine of economic gluttony
For time is no longer cherished
They have killed her
And raped their patriotism until
She cries out in terror when all at once
The nation falls to its knees
Before the most inept of leaders
Ordained by the same God who has already
Lent this country over to thieves
Who prey on our exhausted conscience.
I have admired the simplest of pleasures
Forgotten by time and overwritten by treasures
Of old conquests, lands conquered by a new democracy
I cannot understand.
I have seen the stars
I have felt the rage of winds untamed
I have stood up against such forces
Of brutal nature
The whirling traffic
The transit world
I have heard the cries of innocence stolen
And ran to comfort her side.
Beauty I beheld, filthy wretched beauty,
And I have wept at her desecration.
There is no morality or doctrines thereof
By which a man can live or die
Pressure is all they know
Fast pace easier by which to perish,
And so they perish in vain.
I was an aching fool just the same,
I was just as insignificant
Nameless and forgotten as they
Who toil in defense of all these men know.
Wealth! Power! Wealth!
And individualism falls,
We are far too content
To stand together in misery
Than to cherish the poor,
For like insurgents, we drive them out
There is no room for competition,
God forbid the ego is challenged.
I cannot boast, I was just as heartless…
I used to lack understanding, the wisdom that comes with age.
I would place my faith in lies, if only you would leave me be!
I am comfortable in this, you see
In my life of redundance
Fueled by drunkenness and debauchery
Tainted with a distant need for love and compassion,
THIS cocktail is quite a trip, you ought to try it!
I am lonely, so you call out for sick satisfaction.
Because life is far too short
And we’re all too familiar with stress, you know,
This sad life we’ve all built for ourselves,
I had an old friend who killed himself just the other day,
I guess it was all too much
The pressure got to him
I don’t want to live like that, I mean
This world is going to hell as it is
So before we all die, we might as well
Go out like heroes, you know,
For the process to death is glamorous
But screw dying, let’s be immortal
While we still can…”
And though I knew what would happen,
I would accepts offers like this
Smearing on makeup
Spraying the scents of harlot boys
Perfecting my hair
All the while wishing that I may someday
Possess the courage to no longer care
About these indoctrinated routines
Or society’s age-old problems regarding
Wealth and body image.
I never could bring myself to go all the way,
That first time was petrifying last year.
But fuck it, right?
Ignorance is bliss!
I longed for some form of comfort,
A way to kill off the sorrow of loneliness
A warm embrace
A simply touch, if only to slow life down
For but a second, perhaps to have time enough
To figure out what had gone so horribly wrong.
I lined the cracks with poison,
A disease that spread quickly once again
To engulf me in failure,
I swore I could change
Yet why should I stop?
The world never stopped for me…
And the only thing that really slows time
Is death, but God knows we’re all so fearful
What is more fearsome to me
Is that life seems to have lost meaning
Stress and work are now a slow suicide
To alienate one from that which matters most
As speed takes over every viable aspect
Of human existence
And so we tear ourselves to shreds because
We are far too unwilling to live in a world
Not governed by numbers and figures.
It is the obsession that forever drives us,
And in the end, many are destined to die alone.
In this place, death is the only liberation.
Said sadly, it is the only thing
Which draws our nation together.
I no longer fear death.
I know I have been loved,
And that is quite enough for me.
Still, I sought its comfort with rabid ferocity,
Maybe one older than I may understand
So simple a concept as commitment and sacrifice?
He had an enviable appreciation for life,
I thought this man worthy.
His eyes spoke as a veteran of transitory hell,
And it seemed he had conquered it.
I was so young, pitiful, and foolish.
I wanted a savior,
A human god who bled true as any other.
Ego, then, is disappointment’s greatest denial.
When I needed to be healed
By understanding’s quiet grace,
He banished the leper
And the pain of self-sacrifice’s failure
Left me with a cold feeling of regret
To lament the days when I was still
Time breaks some and hardens others.
I rather envy those who live by the ticking clock
Of heartbeats, be they loved or unloved.
But wealth disgusts me.
Long have I drifted, only to realize
That admiration is gone, beauty is false,
And love has turned to lust beneath my
(Or rather, the ground upon which I walk
Perhaps has turned to dust.)
If only New York would sink into the sea
And rid the world of her gluttonous belly
Bursting of power and propaganda!
There is no freedom,
Only slaves and savagery
In a conceited culture
Of non-preservation and
The ikons of deadening past
Are no longer remembered
Ideals have been destroyed
With no one left to uphold
Their sacred power.
And as strength wanes,
So do the meek.
I wish that I were stronger,
Perhaps I could inherit the earth
Were I not descended from
Ancient nobility turned weak
From forgotten wars and founding fathers
So staunchly conservative,
Who attempted change
But now cry from their
At the stolen power
We use to fuel corruption.
A call to arms is in order my friends,
Rise up and take back the freedom
That is rightfully yours!
Death to dishonor,
Shame to the deserter!
Our cause is just, holy,
Our passion is our freedom!
For France, for Germany,
And the Hessians,
For those native-born
And all who wish to escape
For God’s America!
Oh, if only in some way
I might bring honor and justice
To my ancestors who weep endlessly
From the tombs of oppression.
But I have been unworthy,
I am a drunken fool of wasted talents,
My money is no good in your colony!
Forgive me, my Fathers!
I have proven myself no better
Than a Loyalist or those damned British!
Fuck the temptations bred on impulse,
Lust is truly the downfall of man!
Morality has ceased,
Our dream of a Christian nation eradicated,
We are no better than the Babylonians
And I am among the children
Of this country’s whore!
And if only I had HER passion,
HER strength against the odds.
Instead and without nurturing,
The droves of faggots in their
Pointless, forgotten cause have taken me
As their own, I am their prisoner,
They are like the Aztecs,
Just as barbaric!
My God, save me!
And since God in all His centuries of reinvention has died,
I am forced to save myself from this sad state
Of sinful immorality.
Truly, the just cause perished long ago.
Father, Mother, and ancestors forgive me.
One day, I shall make you proud.
For that would indeed be the path to honor!
- Excerpted from The Great Ascension